DISCLAIMER
the mind is impressionable, heart is impressionistic and words are intended to create an impression

Showing posts with label Short stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short stories. Show all posts

Monday, June 4, 2012

BEGINNING OF THE END




The shadows are becoming stronger, darker, angrier. So quickly the day is lived, from the time you gleefully stamp it under your foot till it expands and dwarfs you. It’s one of those mundane events that you never notice but you always know about. But there are other shadows that dwell in the mind. Malicious, vengeful, ugly shadows. Lurking behind every dream, every joy and every thought. You can see them but you will not know them. 
You can’t crush them, can’t tear them and you definitely can’t kill them.   
I can see the future. Not yours but mine. Most clairvoyants will tell you they can see 
your future, not me. I can’t see your future because I can’t see the shadows in your mind but I can see mine. I hate calling them "my" shadows. After all I didn’t build them or invite them or rear them. They’ve just been there encroaching into my space. But then they decide my future so they aren’t anything but mine.


I am watching the deserted shore. The water has receded several kilometers. The seabed lies naked, still warm from the night’s affairs. Someone’s scared voice is calling out to me to run away. Am I not scared of the end? Don’t I want to live? Of course I am. 
I watch the giant wave crease the skyline.  I want to see what the sea looks on the underside. I think the view would be worth my life. 

Friday, July 24, 2009

NO MYTH, OUR SISYPHUS



Our man Sisyphus, one day, found himself rolling a stone up some hill. Now, he did not know why he was there or why he was doing it. It was strange because he could just not stop doing it and he did not remember anything, neither where he came from nor what he was going to do, all he knew was that he was rolling a stone up a hill. Anyways, he thought, maybe this is what I am born to do, destined to do, so let me just do it nicely. And while he was thinking of all this he realized he had come to the top of the hill, he felt happy: One, the task had ended (so it seemed) and two, now there would be something else to be done, something new. Well, what do you think happened? The silly stone dropped off the hill. Sisyphus was so disappointed, how idiotic is this, he thought, only when I had come to the end of it. He walked back to the foot of the hill, sad and listless.

He sat on the boulder and thought what was to be done now. Then he realized that the job was not complete yet, maybe he needed to complete this task before he could move ahead. It had been so easy last time he hadn’t even realised when he reached the top, he could do it again no doubt. He decided he was going to take the boulder up and finish what was at hand. So with one heave the boulder was climbing the hill again. Sisyphus was happy somehow, that he had taken this decision. At least he was not a coward; he had not turned his back on his job. He liked to think of himself as persistent and determined, and indeed he was. But it happened again on the top and again and again and again, till Sisyphus was completely tired and broken. He rested for some time and decided he was not going to do it anymore. No, not me, he thought, not anymore. But he soon got bored of sitting like that so he thought he might as well take a walk up the hill without the rock, a leisure walk. Up he went humming, taking his time pulling fruits from this tree and that till he saw something that made him jump. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Far away in the horizon, he could see, another peak like his own and something like a man rolling up a boulder. Sisyphus ran. He ran without a break till he had reached the mountain. There he saw the boulder running down, just like his own and a man running after it. The moment the man saw Sisyphus, he halted. Both could not believe the other was for real. They were so happy. They ate together and joked about the boulder. And when the night came they slept under the same tree but after a few days this also began to seem tiresome to both; as tiresome as rolling the stone. So they decided to find others like them for adventure’s sake. After they had travelled some distance they found another one rolling a stone up a hill and he told them that some days ago he had found another one like them. This sounded exciting, they were not alone. Infact everyone they found was just like them. Stone-cursed, they joked. The third guy also called the fourth and they all sat and conferred. What was to be done? Someone came up with an idea which others found brilliant. They could all roll their stones together! Why not? It would be fun.

So four stones went rolling down the hill together and the four men stood on the top of the peak laughing themselves crazy. And they created such a ruckus that from far and wide others also came from their hills to join them. By now there was quite a crown rolling their stones on the peak. So far so good. But soon they found the peak was too small for so many people to do the rolling business together. One is left with no peace and privacy, everyone thought. People kept stepping on each other and running into each other. So once again a conference was called. Many ideas came up. Some suggested ways to discipline rolling , others said some should roll while others should rest but nothing fitted well. At last they decided. Everyone would return to their peaks like in old days.

So back they went, everyone of them. And back on his peak, now, Sisyphus once again rolled his rock alone. Waving now and then to the guy on the nearest peak. The guy would also wave back and holler something that always got lost by the time it reached him. But Sisyphus always hollered back something, anything, though he knew it would never reach the other.

The boulder kept going up and down, up and down.

Monday, June 22, 2009

SHOES


Splashing through the rice fields Sonu was running back home. His shoes were choked with mud but he didn’t seem to care any more.

Sonu was eleven. His father, a farmer, took deep pride in sending his kids to school but it burnt a hole through his pocket. Mother drew the monthly budget in advance and needs were met as per priorities she set.

Sonu had been waiting for new shoes. The old ones were frayed with wide lace holes, withered sole and were discoloured. But it was going to end. His shoes were on the shopping list.

All was quiet at home.

“Where is father? Aren’t we going today?”

Sonu rushed to the kitchen where mother was grinding coriander.

“Aren’t we going today?” He blurted. But mother did not lift eyes from the grinder “we’ll see…” Sonu’s face fell, he might have to wait for another week. Sonu saw mother smiling and rushed out angrily. Being a boy he was not supposed to be bothered about this stuff… the looks and clothes… it is what his sisters thought of and he laughed at, but today everything was different.

As the family moved down the village lanes, Sonu kept pace with father. His brother trailed behind grumpily, it was not his turn this month.

As they reached the haat, the girls went with mother, the boys with father. They stopped before a seller who had shoes on display. That pair! Sky-blue stripes tapering at the end, blue laces, cushions, blue sole, sparkling white base. He often dreamt of owning something like that but they never bought expensive ones like those, settling for less flashy ones.

The seller noticed and handed the pair to his father, emphasising what a good buy they were.

Soon, Sonu was trying out the pair. He didn’t realize when they bargained and paid.

When he came out of the haat, Sonu had the new shoes on, the old ones rested in a box. He was numb to everything except the soft feel at his feet.

On way back, Sonu was alone. With his new shoes on he wanted to stamp his way through every puddle. But how could he be so callous? His friends had not yet seen the shoes and they already seemed to have lost their sheen.

He sat under a tree and unlaced his shoes regretting his mindless treatment of them.

He wiped the dirt off the sole with the end of his shirt. When the work was done he put his old shoes on and packed the new pair in the box.

Now, he splashed through the puddles, ran after the ducks, around the community pond and up his favorite tree.

A teeming number of dragonflies sat on the grass where the fields ended. He caught one by the wings, slid a thread through its body and left it to fly, while the other end of the thread was still in his hand.

He would show the boys his new shoes. They would gasp with wonder; they would beg him to let them try.

The village came in sight, it was time to wear the new shoes.

But where were his new shoes?

Under that tree by the puddle! He shot back.

Past the community pond, the ducks called out to their young playmate but he was in a tearing hurry.

Sweat trickled down his forehead and a film of tears cast over his eyes.

“Ill find them there! Ill find them there!”

Past the swarm of insects, the puddles and reached the place.

They should be here - he muttered on and on as he stormed the place.

He tore the tall weeds away, went round and round and round the tree.

He could have dug the earth had he left any energy. He slumped under the tree.

Still hoping that they were somewhere here

They were gone. He did not know what to do; too many thoughts came at him in one instance. He did not even know what to think.

We could have helped him with some philosophy-that life has a bewildering sense of hum our and a painful manner of teaching the living her ways. But it would have been of little consequence to him.

As the sun began to set that forlorn figure made its way back home. His clothes were choked with mud, his shoes were worn and old.

BUS RIDE


Am nearing the bus stop …three of them giant and stately... the busses I mean… not stately… but old and tragic like ‘stateliness’.

Oh its moving… run… stop… gone! What rubbish..first thing in the morning miss bus to office!

Now wait. How long? Don’t know the frequency, should just stand here under the tree.

Maybe not. The first day at office, I waited for Manisha under the tree, and a bird sent down its golden thing on my shoulder. Manisha kept assuring me that it brings good luck… didn’t contest her. Drop in a smile at such occasions… like spreading a carpet over portholes. But a person has to stand somewhere… under the tree or under the sun …actually one can stand under the shade as well.

But maybe I don’t want to.

Why am I pecking at my nails?

Now what’s this man looking at? He’s staring at my bitten fingers. He’s saying something… about the next bus?… Don’t know sir.

The woman sitting there is looking up, says it will go in sometime. She is muttering something again…the man nods at her and looks at me I am expected to nod too, I do it. Its too hot and everyone is too dull to understand. But we take consolation in company.

Why…am …I…eating…my… nails.

Stop it. Huh!

The man is staring at my fingers again.

Ok the bus is moving, yes… am on… first no second seat by the window. This one’s not reserved for women; I should shift to the one that is. But why should I? am neither pregnant nor old.

Ok the bus has started. Bye!!

Gust of hot air hits my face. A tinted world opens up through my sunglasses. A blue-brown world devoid of the dazzling, the sun and the heroes. Living like a toy drummers. Its been this way since tragedy died. She who was forever pregnant with values is no more. So meaninglessness nibbles away souls quietly turning us into toy drummers.

Leave your fingers aside Pooja!

Have we only reached Munirka??

The bus is crowded. My shoulder’s hurting… this man sitting next is putting all his weight on me.

Idiot… why did you have to sit here… couldn’t you have taken the woman’s seat?

Should I tell him to shift? It will create a scene. ‘These days girls think no end to themselves.’ OK Ill shift a little. The bastard! He’s sticking his thighs to mine.

Speak up.

No why should I speak up?

If he can have fun why cant I?

Think… think like him, doesn’t the touch please you. Or think it pleases you.

O shut up it doesn’t! His weight on my shoulder is unbearable.

Ok wait, if you can’t enjoy it let him not enjoy it as well. Be stiff, sit still, and let him have no pleasure out of your softness.

Bullshit... excuse me, will you stop putting your weight on me and will you please shift that side?

That’s done.

He’s a dreadful guy.

People are smiling.

What a sea of humanity. At one go you are everyone and at the one you are no one.

Is this to which I must contribute? This mess? Don’t know if I want to be a party.

These multiple voices in my head! One says I can never be a mother. That I might father i.e. provide for the resources but I cannot mother i.e. give a system to live in because so lost in the echoes I don’t have a system myself.

The truth is out and the journey’s up.